Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

FOX Affiliate Gets A Surprise


Did you all hear about the FOX affiliate showing off a big penis during their news broadcast?  Well, I guess they really weren't showing off but, the penis was still there for at least a second.  Earlier this week, during a live broadcast about a helicopter crash FOX31 was going through pictures of what seemed to be (at first) scenes from the crash.  But, while scrolling through the pics we get pictures not about the story.. First, there was Edward Scissorhands then a picture of a weird looking baked good.. then all of the sudden a big uncircumcised penis is flashed on the screen and almost as fast it is gone. When you see the news panel  again you could almost cut the tension with a knife. I thought their reaction was priceless.  I mean what's the big deal.  Did the one on the end recognize the protruding member? It was very funny.. I laugh each time I see it.  Hopefully, this will teach them a lesson about getting their pictures from some one's twitter feed.  

Below is the broadcast video.. Do not click play if seeing big uncut penises offend you.


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Drive: Can I Get A Vacation?

Today on The Drive to work I talk about how impossible it is for me just to take a weekend off from work.
I know I am whining, but hell everyone needs a break.  During my chatter, I get stopped at a green light by someone who obviously ran out of gas.  So, excuse my outburst.. or road rage if you will.  LOL. But, I mean when you  got into your car you knew you were low on gas.  So, why wasn't your first stop to go to the gas station.  I mean, REALLY?
Thanks for listening!! 




Sunday, January 12, 2014

Fun With Hashtags #FatPeopleProblems


Today's Bonus Episode:  I thought I would have some fun with Hashtags.  Everyone loves to hate them, but I doubt they are going away anytime soon.  I am a chronic hashtagger and use some more than others.  
Today I searched one of my favorites. #FatPeopleProblems I use this to refer to something I use for me REPEAT for me.. And not others.. I use it because I think it's healthy to make fun of yourself.  I live in reality and part of my reality is I am a fat boy. I embrace it.  
Go get you a 2 piece and a biscuit and listen in!


Friday, January 10, 2014

Don't Facebook My Funeral

Well I have never witnessed it before in my Facebook timeline.  But, today was my lucky day, obviously. I am scrolling along seeing who were bragging, nagging and bitching on FB this morning.  Then all of a sudden I see a dead man lying in a coffin.  I knew it wasn't Halloween so I figured it was the real deal.  If anyone knows me, they know I do not like seeing dead people in caskets or funerals.  It's all very morbid and sad.  But, today one of my friends, who just lost his father, felt the need to share it with his Facebook friends. Self Included!  I was mortified and horrified all at the same time.  I have even seen websites dedicated to the funeral "selfie" how gross! But, I am not judging him (or them) but I think the dead especially a parent deserves a little more respect and privacy than having him laid up in a casket dead on Facebook.  That's a photographic memory that I don't want to save.  But, I am sure he had his reason. But, to all who is reading and listening, family and friends.  Do Not Facebook My Funeral. 
Thanks!

Listen in below to this bonus episode to hear the full story.




Those Priest Did What?


The title makes you wonder what I have come up with now.  Well in this episode of  The 5by5 Late Night I talk about the Romanian Orthodox Priest who made a calendar with buff semi nude male models. Okay, the article says they really weren't from the priesthood but an artistic depiction showing that not everyone in the faith posses the same old mentality of Orthodox church.  check out the full article here


We also talked about a www.pleated-jeans.com article that asked the question: 
What's Your State Bad At? The findings are hilarious. We didn't go through all 50, but we will save some for another show.  Lastly, I read a funny article from www.cracked.com that talked about how parents need to be more cautious when naming their children. It's very funny.  
Below find some more pics and the video from the Orthodox Calendar.










Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Live @ Starbucks

One of my most favorite things I like to do is hang out with my niece and nephew.  They are like my children.  But, I am the cool Uncle that gets to spoil them before I take them home.  But, we went to Starbucks today to have some coffee.  My niece ordered a Venti and it was gone in 2.5 seconds. Then she starts complaining that she was hot.  *Side Eye* Nevertheless, it was a good day.  I even scored the Man Of Steel bluray for 13 bucks at Target. So all in and all a good day.  My nephew had a bit of an attitude when I wouldn't buy him a $20 box of Pokemon cards.  Here's the thing I purchased him a pack earlier today and if that wasn't good enough he will be strong! 


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Holidays, Blood and Ceelo


I am such a huge Christmas Holiday Fan.  I love the holiday.  I love the spirit of the season.  But, I am not sure I am quite ready for it.  It has been a difficult year for my family and I.  We have dealt with severe health problems, financial worries and typical life dramas. So,hopefully,  this year's cheer will bring us at least a month of peace.  Although, I love the upcoming holiday celebrations and fanfare. I do not know if I am ready for the coming rush.  I mean we rush through Thanksgiving like it doesn't really exist.  Today while driving about I actually saw Christmas lights and trees up.  Now, these people may just be trying to get a head start.  Walmart has had their Christmas decor shop up since September.  I used to work retail and we also started gearing up for Christmas at the end of September.  But, if you work in retail you have to know that you will not be seeing much of your family during the holidays.  Like it or not.  It's just the way it is. Recently, in the news, I saw where KMart is not closing at all on Thanksgiving this year.  But, if you think for a moment the theaters open up at night on TG.  All of the stores are opening at least by midnight.  Although, I see why people are complaining. But, I don't here Nurses or Doctors complaining.  I work in the health care industry too.  And guess what we aren't closed either.  I think I am a little biased.  But, I want to relish the moments with my family.   I think this year I am going to volunteer.  I want to bring a little joy in some lives.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Fast Food Mad-ness



The picture above is synonymous with today's story.  Have you ever went through a drive-thru and not get exactly what you ordered? Of course we all have.  In the first part of our cast I talk about McDonald's doing a switcheroo on a cookie.  I mean they could have just told me they were out.  Hell I could have been allergic to raisins.  But, in the second part of the podcast I talk specifically about the nonsense I had to endure at Wendy's last night.  You will not believe it.  Check it out.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Talking About Good & Bad Hair


Finally, I have edited and uploaded the Hair Shows Part 1&2.  We talk about everything from history of black hair care pioneer, Madame CJ Walker to the economics of black hair care in America.  Nikki gives us a top ten list of things one should ask a black woman regarding her hair.  It's a fun show and we are not hair professionals.  We just wanted to give a comical and satirical view from our perspective of the black hair care industry.  Thanks for joining us.




Tuesday, July 30, 2013

True Story Tuesday: Mash Up





I am back with True Story Tuesday.  And this weeks episode is kind of a mash up of things going on recently.  I attended a Demolition Derby for the first time in my life.  My live bearing fish had babies.  I encounter a lady in need of a dental plan who thought it would be cute for her to give me attitude. And I talk about some up coming life changes pertaining to career and education.  Take a listen.. Be sure to check us out on Spreaker, Blog Talk Radio and iTunes. 


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

True Story Tuesday: The Sidewalk Conspiracy



I often get irritated by people who do not know how to use the sidewalks.  And this week's True Story is just that, it's funny and serious.  Because, I think people need to show a little common courtesy and respect.  It's unfortunate that we live in a society that rarely does. 



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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

True Story Tuesday: Sound it out!



If you are anything like me, sometimes you will look at a word and just say it completely wrong.  And.. If you are anything like me, when you are corrected you can laugh it off and accept the constructive criticism. Sadly, there are some people out there that will fight you tooth and nail.  They will argue you down, if you correct something they have mispronounced.  I only correct people that I work with or friendly with.  I only do this because I do not want them to embarrass themselves in a public setting. If someone approaches me and begins speaking and I hear words that are pronounced incorrectly 9 times out of 10 I am only going to believe 50% of what you are saying.   From my point of view, I think I am doing you a service and not trying to embarrass you. I have even pronounced a word or two wrong.  For example, when I lived in Georgia, I always pronounced Chipotle.. Chi-pottle.. Hell, I didn't know. I was from the Midwest and in my area we didn't have those restaurants.  A friend politely corrected me and we still joke about it to this day. 

A few years ago, I worked with a very nice lady who started selling Avon to supplement her income.  We developed a friendly work relationship and I thought we were good.  But, then one day she asked me if I would like to purchase anything from her.  I like supporting my friends.  I knew Avon had that anti-mosquito lotion called Skin So Soft.  And since the mosquitoes think my blood is the nectar of the gods, I decided I would order a bottle. While searching through the catalog I get to a page that smells delicious. It was one of those scratch and sniff things and it smelled of chocolate.  And for all that know me you know daddy loves his chocolate.  The words on page boldly stated NEW MOCHA something or another. I told my co-worker/ Avon lady, "Girl I think I need some of this (pointing at the page), it smells so good." Like all good sales people should do she affirmed and confirmed my choice and proceeds to tell me, "Yes, David that MOE-CHA is the bomb."  I tried not to laugh and I respond, "What?". She says, "THE MOE-CHA.. MOE-CHA!!". I am not a mean person.  Have you ever had those moments when you think you are thinking something.  But, in actuality, it is coming out of your mouth for the whole world to hear. Well that is exactly what happened.  I say to her, "Girl, you know that doesn't say mo-cha. What have you been drinking?" She looks at me like I have been drinking and says, "You always trying to correct somebody. It does say MOE-CHA!"   
See I was trying to help her sells out and put some coins in her pocket book.  But, with all that attitude, I had to shut it down. Then like a possessed person that can't control the themselves I say, "Girl, how are you going to be the Avon Lady and not know how to pronounce Mocha?! K sound not CH.." She snatches her Avon book from me and rolls her eyes and stomps off saying MOECHAAAA... MOECHAAAA... I am laughing because I cannot believe what just happened.  I felt bad because the next day I left on vacation and while I was gone she was fired because she constantly came to work late. Consequently, I think she stopped selling Avon.  I wonder why?



Pretty much the same scenario came up recently at my current job.  I work with developmentally disabled adults in a home setting, where there may be some light cleaning from time to time.  Normally, that cleaning is left to the 3rd shift staff.  But, of course, it's my job to know where all chemicals are in the home.  Nevertheless, my coworker, who seems to think I am in competition (there is none) with him was to relieve me that night.  There I sit patiently waiting to go home and here he comes. We exchange polite glances and a good evening.  I proceed to share with him some work related business and we make a little small talk.  Let me say one of the reasons why I do not like this person is because every time he addresses me he has to say Big in front of my last name.  That ain't cute.  It's not like I address him by saying Old or Ugly or Midnight in front of his last name when speaking to him.  But, he does this thinking he is getting under my skin.  I have too much confidence for all that.   Nevertheless, he says , "Hey Big Last Name, where is the KUN-SUE-MAY cleaner at?"  I promise you I asked him 5 times what the hell he was talking about.  He starts to feverishly search through the closet to find this new super cleaner that I am obviously not aware of.  He is thinking that he had found his ace in the hole.  He finally had me.  There was no way I was doing part of my job, if I didn't know what or where the "company sanctioned" cleaner was located.  And as if the angels had sent it from above, he produces the cleaner. He turns around, cleaner in hand. And says, "Caught you slipping Big Last Name. See here KUN-SUE-MAY!! KUN-SUE-MAY (as he points to the letters CONSUME on the bottle)."  He was proud.  But, once again a lesson has to be taught.  Not because I am helping you or want to help you.  But, because of that smug I-know-it-all grin on your face.  So, I say, "Don't you mean Consume?" Realizing  his faux pas in trying to challenge me, in the English language, his grin goes to stiff lip.  He replies, "Doesn't that say KUN-SUE-MAY, I've always called it KUN-SUE-MAY" In silence, I quickly gather my things and walk towards the door.  But, before I leave I say, "Only in Swahili, didn't know you were African." I smile and walk out.  He hasn't spoken to me since.

I don't try to make people mad.  Sometimes it just happens.

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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

True Story Tuesday: The Chocolate Identity


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The Chocolate Identity


Earlier today, at the grocery store, I was in the checkout line behind a very, very loud woman.  You know the kind that always wants to be heard.  But, really shouldn't be drawing any attention to themselves.   Although, some of the stuff she was saying was hilarious.  I was ready for her to shut the hell up.  But, in true (and expected form) her obnoxious rants turned from slightly humourous to down right CRACKISH.  Yeah, I said it. CRACKISH!! 
After her one woman comedy routine finished "on stage", she then turned her attention toward the audience (all good comics do this), the other patrons in the line (self included). Did I say she had a young girl with her too?  I'll get to that in a minute.   Ms. Showtime at the Apollo started asking people in the line what was their favorite candy. The other customers were noticing her absurd behavior.  So, instead of confronting her (you never know when a crack head is really an undercover bath salts user and will rip your face off.. just saying).  They just answered with random candy bars and other sweets.  Then she gets to me and says, "Awww Snap..I know what you like.  I know what you like" (stomping her feet). You can imagine the voice if you like.  You know I gave her the best *side eye* I could muster. Then she does a little crack dance and says, "CHOCOLATE!!, you like Chocolate!! Just the way you look, All Chocolatey!"  (Now it could have been because of my size or my cocoa brown skin that made her feel this way or she was psychic. But, she knew I liked chocolate) She then gave me that "You Look Like the Chocolate Fountain At Golden Corral Look".  And she was the willing strawberry.  I just smiled and didn't respond.  
Abruptly, snapped out of her Chocolate trance, a young girl appeared with a gallon of that fake (but tasty) Sunny D. Ms. Apollo's face dropped and she gave the little girl a side eye that even I cannot recreate.  She says to the little girl, "Naw, naw, naw I told you to get the real juice."  Then she runs to what I guess was the real juice section and comes back with "The Blue Drink".  No not Blueberry.  Blue Drink, don't act like you don't know.  The little girl shared with Ms. Apollo that she didn't like it.  But, Ms. Apollo was not having it. She assured the little girl and her captive audience, that it indeed was the good stuff. I was so happy to see her finally at the register.  But, I was also a little sad that my afternoon show was soon to be over. But, you know after a good show there is always an encore.  Ms. Apollo did not disappoint, because she was obviously not finished performing.  After she pays for her groceries (Chips, The Blue Drink and Mrs. Freshly Baked Goods), she yells out to all of us waiting in line behind her, "I don't know why I was shopping on a budget, mama gots (yes gots) $171 left on her food stamp card. Holla!!!" I mean it took all I could do not to drop to the floor and roll in laughter. Then she does a Tyrone Biggums dance and sashays out the door.  The little girl was running behind her Blue Drink in tow. I just love a crack head.  I should have known better then to go to Save-A-Lot!
True Story!

Friday, December 16, 2011

A Little Christmas Fun


Merry Christmas to all my friends, fans and followers.  I made this video years ago.  I was going through a Destiny's Child phase.  Besides the music, some of the panels are hilarious. 
I wish you all the best this Christmas Season!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Gay Doritos' Advertisement.. Like or Dislike?

There is a lot of hoopla going on about these 2 Doritos' commercials.  I think they are funny although they may be a little stereotypical.  But, hell I know these types of gay men.  They are my friends and coworkers. I think sometimes we can be over sensitive about stereotypes.  I think sometimes humor is just that humor.  So, what do you guys think?  Are they totally inappropriate or are they funny and on target?
  

Both of these ads were submitted to Frito Lay's "Crash the Superbowl" Contest and will not be airing during the Superbowl.  There were 5600 submissions.

To read more about the commercials and the contest check out