Tuesday, April 16, 2013

True Story Tuesday: The Chocolate Identity

Listen to internet radio with 5 by 5 on Blog Talk Radio

The Chocolate Identity

Earlier today, at the grocery store, I was in the checkout line behind a very, very loud woman.  You know the kind that always wants to be heard.  But, really shouldn't be drawing any attention to themselves.   Although, some of the stuff she was saying was hilarious.  I was ready for her to shut the hell up.  But, in true (and expected form) her obnoxious rants turned from slightly humourous to down right CRACKISH.  Yeah, I said it. CRACKISH!! 
After her one woman comedy routine finished "on stage", she then turned her attention toward the audience (all good comics do this), the other patrons in the line (self included). Did I say she had a young girl with her too?  I'll get to that in a minute.   Ms. Showtime at the Apollo started asking people in the line what was their favorite candy. The other customers were noticing her absurd behavior.  So, instead of confronting her (you never know when a crack head is really an undercover bath salts user and will rip your face off.. just saying).  They just answered with random candy bars and other sweets.  Then she gets to me and says, "Awww Snap..I know what you like.  I know what you like" (stomping her feet). You can imagine the voice if you like.  You know I gave her the best *side eye* I could muster. Then she does a little crack dance and says, "CHOCOLATE!!, you like Chocolate!! Just the way you look, All Chocolatey!"  (Now it could have been because of my size or my cocoa brown skin that made her feel this way or she was psychic. But, she knew I liked chocolate) She then gave me that "You Look Like the Chocolate Fountain At Golden Corral Look".  And she was the willing strawberry.  I just smiled and didn't respond.  
Abruptly, snapped out of her Chocolate trance, a young girl appeared with a gallon of that fake (but tasty) Sunny D. Ms. Apollo's face dropped and she gave the little girl a side eye that even I cannot recreate.  She says to the little girl, "Naw, naw, naw I told you to get the real juice."  Then she runs to what I guess was the real juice section and comes back with "The Blue Drink".  No not Blueberry.  Blue Drink, don't act like you don't know.  The little girl shared with Ms. Apollo that she didn't like it.  But, Ms. Apollo was not having it. She assured the little girl and her captive audience, that it indeed was the good stuff. I was so happy to see her finally at the register.  But, I was also a little sad that my afternoon show was soon to be over. But, you know after a good show there is always an encore.  Ms. Apollo did not disappoint, because she was obviously not finished performing.  After she pays for her groceries (Chips, The Blue Drink and Mrs. Freshly Baked Goods), she yells out to all of us waiting in line behind her, "I don't know why I was shopping on a budget, mama gots (yes gots) $171 left on her food stamp card. Holla!!!" I mean it took all I could do not to drop to the floor and roll in laughter. Then she does a Tyrone Biggums dance and sashays out the door.  The little girl was running behind her Blue Drink in tow. I just love a crack head.  I should have known better then to go to Save-A-Lot!
True Story!

No comments:

Post a Comment